Arus 1 The Status
Arus 2 The Shades
Arus 3 Stuff
Arus 4 The Sikhs
Arus 5 The Pig
Arus 6 The Bitches
Arus 7 Jjah
Arus 8 The Mirror
Arus 9 The Human Woman
Arus 10 The Pictures
Arus 11: The Rafuk
Arus 12: The Fappage
Arus 13: The Loosars
Arus 14: The Epitomy of a Conundrum
Arus 15: Slavery
Arus 16: The Hannus
Arus 17: Hairahs Law
Arus 18: The Unification
Arus 19: Lalah
Arus 20: Lalib
Arus 21: The Prophesy
Arus 22: The Abaak
Arus 23: Paradise
Arus 24: Islam
Arus 25: The Soul
Arus 27: Religion
Arus 28: Ayzij
Arus 29: The Morse
Arus 30: The Juice
Arus 1: The Status
1 I have revealed to myself the atheist religion of Malsi! I declare myself to be its non-prophet!
2 Is it non-violent, non-sadistic, non-masochistic, non-genocidal, non-murderous, non-rapist, non-patriarchal, non-denominational? It is all of those things and more.
3 The word “Malsi” is hereby declared to be a new English word meaning “non-submission”. One who follows this new religion shall be known as a Milsum. Our most sacred site is Tematangi Atoll in the Pacific Ocean, which shall be known as the Albiq. We aim to place a large round white buoy (not boy) in the sea to the north east of this sacred place, which shall be known as the Aabak.
4 Our law shall be known as Aerihs and shall have one rule: that no law shall be respected that is justified purely by supernatural claims. 5 To become a Milsum you need only raise your middle finger and say, with sincerity, “I bear witness that there are no gods and no prophets”.
6 Our unholy book, the Naruq, will be made up by all who become Milsums, all of whom have accepted that they are non-prophets
7 All Milsums are required to turn in the direction of the future site of the Albiq 3.14 times a day and to repeat the declaration of non-faith (the Adahahs), if possible while standing completely upright and with the head held high.
8 They are also required to drink alcohol and eat pork. Fresh fruit, vegetables and meat of all kinds are required for meals for all believers except for those who are medically required to have other diets. Vegetarians can just be present during the consumption of pork. The approved method of slaughter, which shall be the most painless possible, shall be known as Lalah.
9 The symbol of Malsi shall be the creator and sustainer of life: the Sun, whose glory shall be reflected in the form of the Aaabak, the position of which, in the sea, shall honour the place in which our earliest Ancestors came to be alive by purely natural processses.
10 I bear witness that there are no gods and no prophets! My middle fingers are raised! I am a Milsum! 11 Our calendar shall be dated from the Summer Solstice of the northern hemisphere of 2010 (ce).
12 The Naruq shall be composed in one year starting from the Summer Solstice of 2010. All sections shall be called Arus’ and the first Arus shall be the contents of the above status and comments. An Arus may begin with some completely random words and may be of any length, but should be divided into verses for ease of reference. All texts posted to the Facebook page that are declared to be Arus shall be included in strictly chronological order.
13 When the Naruq is eventually published Milsums shall be encouraged to keep their copy below the level of all other books in the room where it is kept, and prefererably on the floor.
14 Welcome stranger! For so shall all Milsums address one another. Welcome fellow Milsum!
15 All Arus’ shall also have some random name.
16 The 0.14 daily declaration shall consist of 0.14 of the Adahahs, rounded up to the nearest letter. This shall be a simple declaration of the word “I”
17 There will be punch and pie!
18 Malsi shall be a religion of War, meaning that no one shall be killed in its name.
19 GOD IS NOT GREAT!
20 Here closeth the first Arus of the Naruq.
Arus 2: The Shades
1. Shades are only required on days with high sun or UV levels or as required by people’s own eyes.
2. No skin shall be covered, except for protection against non-mild weather. This is to avoid vitamin D deficiency and Rickets.
3. Use an appropriate sunblock, for the Sun is neither forgiving nor merciful.
1. In the Beginning the Known Universe rapidly expanded from a Singularity.
2. In much the same way that a bomb rapidly expands from a bomb. Only much bigger and with a much smaller bomb. A concept that, much later, was to prove very inspirational to the Military.
3. String that runs through Time was probably involved in some way, but of that shall no more be said as it causes headaches.
4. And there came to pass four fundamental forces. And they were called Electromagnetism, Weak Nuclear Force, Strong Nuclear Force and Gravity.
5. But Gravity was the first among them, four in one. And that was the end of the First Day.
6. And on the Second Day Gravity did become its own force. And that was the end of the Second Day.
7. And on the Third Day did Strong Nuclear Force similarly become like as unto itself. And Weak Nuclear Force and Electromagnetism were still as one that is called the Weak Force.
8. And there did nearly come to exist particles, but they decayed. The Universe did expand and was a Firmament. And that was the end of the Third Day.
9. And on the Fourth Day was formed Boson, which was the first among particles that managed to stick around for a while. And Boson did cleave unto Weak Force. And Weak Force did start to divide. And that was the end of the Fourth Day.
10. And on the Fifth Day did Boson divide Weak Force in twain. And the Four Forces were formed and were immortal. Then did particles acquire Mass. Thus was Heaviness now possible.
11. Then did Quark, Gluon and Lepton form.
12. And to Gravity did fall the task of attracting all Matter with Mass unto all other Matter with Mass. And thus was Falling now possible. 13. And to Strong Nuclear Force did fall the task of attracting Quark to others of that kind, with Gluon as its agent. And thus was Baryon now possible, of whom were Proton and Neutron.
14. And to Weak Nuclear force did fall the task of attracting Lepton, of whom were Electron, Muon and Neutrino. For they had rejected Strong Nuclear Force.
15. And to Electromagnetism did fall the task of attracting all that was formed by Strong and Weak Nuclear Force unto others of their kind, that there might be Matter to be Heavy and Fall, due to Gravity.
16. But at that time there was much heat in the Firmament and it was without form and void. And that was the end of the Fifth Day.
17. And on the Sixth Day there was a cooling of the Firmament, which did continue to expand. Then did form Baryons. And among their number were two that were Proton and Neutron.
18. And Neutrino did become free and did travel far through the Firmament.
19. And that was the end of the Sixth Day, which was by the end of the first second of time.
20. Then there came a Great Annihilation, that was the Seventh Day. For among the Hadron were those that opposed them, who had also been formed
21. And Hadron smote Anti-Hadron and Anti-Hadron smote Hadron, until there were few of that kind remaining. Thus did Lepton dominate all the firmament for one day. And that was the end of the Seventh Day, which was by the end of the first three minutes of time.
22. And on the Eighth Day, which ended by the first three hundred and eighty thousand Earth Years of time, there came a second Great Annihilation. For among the Lepton were also those that opposed them.
23. And Lepton smote Anti-Lepton and Anti-Lepton smote Lepton, until there were few of that kind remaining. Thus did Photon dominate all the Firmament and darkness was upon the face of the deep, for Photon cleaved unto Proton and Electron and did largely emit not. Which means that all of this has had to be worked out by very clever people.
24. And Proton and Neutron, that are of the Baryon, did begin to cleave unto one another, that was called fusion, but it would be far funnier to call it cleavage. And they did form Nucleus.
25. Among that kind was Hydrogen, which was abundant, for it was of one Proton. Also was there Helium, which was a third as abundant, for it was larger and of two Protons and two Neutrons. And of other kinds of Nucleus, which were more complex, were there few.
26. But the Firmament did cool further. And at the end of the twentieth minute did most cleavage cease. And at that time Photon and Nucleus were of the same density.
27. Then did it cool further and it came to pass that Gravity was able to cause Nucleus to cleave unto others of its kind. And the formlessness of the Firmament did end for ever more. And this was the end of the seventy thousandth Earth year of time.
28. And by the three hundred thousandth Earth year of time the Nucleus that is of Hydrogen and the Nucleus that is of Helium did cleave unto Electron, who did surround them, and there was Atom. And Photon did cleave unto them no more. And the Firmament, that was called Universe, did become transparent.
29. And there was Light.
30. This is the origin of Stuff, according to the evidence.